…. There are lots of benefits of having some kind of mindfulness practice, and fortunately there are lots of different ways of practicing to choose from. What I notice is an equal number of ways to misunderstand what mindfulness actually is, and so to stop before you start.
By hearing some inaccurate or misleading explanation of mindfulness (or something that just doesn't resonate) I've seen people reject outright, without any firsthand experience, something that for them might really enhance their wellbeing, maybe their life. Maybe. But it's always better to check these things out for yourself.
Here is an attempt to keep it simple, and to address some of the most common misconceptions of mindfulness I hear rather often.
Mindfulness is relaxation training
Not really. Sometimes. But this is the wrong framing. A better way of thinking about it might be comparing mindfulness to reading. Is reading relaxing? Sometimes it is, under some specific circumstances, very specific books etc. But reading is one of the most important skills I've learned, and it allows me to learn things in a way that I might never have been able to if I didn't know how to read. I've become a better reader over time. Reading is essential to my work and life. Sometimes reading is really hard, and frustrating, and boring. But once you learn how to read you kind of just do it, and you get the benefit whenever you choose.
Mindfulness is about calming the mind
This is another common one that does a fair bit of damage. I hear this one most often from folks who describe themselves as 'active relaxers', the types who would rather fix a fence or go for a run than 'sit still and do nothing'. I get it. On one of my mindfulness retreats I had a laugh-out-loud moment right there in the meditation hall when--after a few days of trying to 'calm my mind'--I could see clearly that this was an unwinnable goal. It is the wrong goal. This is actually something mindfulness can free you from. My mind is a mess. In the midst of blissful silence at a wonderful retreat centre in the foothills of a beautiful valley with the sun shining just so, my mind was serving up complaints, and bits of memory, and snippets of language, and fuzzy not-quite-clear images... what I later wrote in my journal as a 'complete shitfight'. A hacked up chop suey of stuff all by itself. Mindfulness isn't about calming the mind, but when you see the mess a bit more clearly, you're just not so bothered by it. Maybe you get to pick out the useful bits and let the rest float by.
Mindfulness is Buddhist
Not really. Do you notice yourself reading these words right now? Mindfulness. Can you hear anything in the room while you're reading this? Mindfulness. Can you sense the urge to check your email, scroll through your feed, do something else? Mindfulness of urges. Everyone has mindfulness, attention, noticing--whatever words you like--just like we all have bodies. How you decide to use your body doesn't depend on religion, and how you choose to use your attention (or noticing, or awareness) is totally up to you.
Mindfulness is all you need
This is pretty unhelpful. Usually I hear this in conjunction with something like 'I don't have time to be mindful when I'm working and there's stuff to do'. Of course, there are important things to be done out in the world, and important choices to be made all the time. We can't just sit around with the incense burning on our yoga mat (wink). One of my favourite mindfulness teachers Joseph Goldstein reminds us that mindfulness (paying attention, noticing) is simply one half of a two-sided coin--the other half of noticing is discernment. Being skillful with 'what's next'. Deciding wisely. So, I'm at work and there's an important task and I start remembering the fight I had with my wife and I'm getting angry right here in front of my boss.... discernment, that's not smart to indulge that memory right now, back to the conversation at hand. I'm tired after a long day and my daughter wants to play and I feel this urge to make the same excuse I always do about being tired but I notice that's not who I want to be in this moment so I accept my tiredness and I be the kind of daddy I want to be. Discernment, wise actions. I'm operating machinery and my tired mind drifts off to the weekend, discernment, better put some effort into noticing right now, it really matters.
Mindfulness is meditation
Often the 'active relaxers' reject mindfulness based on this one. I notice when I'm out running that I can pay attention to my breathing, the tension in my legs, the ache in my hip, my thoughts telling me to stop. Mindfulness. I notice when I'm standing at the sink washing dishes the repetitive story in my head starts playing again around why am I the only one who does the dishes around here. Mindfulness. And just like exercise, there are beginner, intermediate, and advanced level skills and benefits. When I first started running I thought 'if this is all there is then I hate running and it's not for me', and I made the pretty obvious mistake that the start often takes a little bit to get through to the next stage. Then I got the hang of it and I thought 'well if those marathon runners are training like that then that's what I should be doing too' and I didn't realise they had been training for ages and I was only just getting into the intermediate level. No use comparing myself to advanced runners when I only had a few months under my belt. I did eventually run a marathon, it just took me a little bit of practice. You can sit down and do 'formal' mindfulness practice if you like, or you can just do it when you're washing the dishes. Depends on what’s right for you.
My daughter is a better meditator than me.
The reading analogy, and Joseph Goldstein’s discernment reminder, are from Sam Harris’ Waking Up app, which I highly recommend, and gratefully attribute here. You can try it for free here.
#mygroundtruth