Not without sheer delight and gratitude for this miracle of a small little brief life in some corner of history.
Not without untold richness and wealth unimaginable even just a generation ago.
Not without complete utter stupefied mystery at the Universe, Grace, Faith and Love.
Not without a healthy dose of regret at my actions, at times; irredeemable selfishness, drop-dead mortifying shameful arrogance, unearned privilege and the dominant cultural wind at my back.
Not without the humility to work on my patterns. Not without the clarity to see that my many blessings afford me the opportunity to help those without my same lucky cosmic lottery.
Not without a lot to fucking learn, still. Always. Not without significant blindspots and ignorance. Not without a tonne of bullshit yet to unravel and play out.
Not without my own inter-generational trauma and it’s patterns cascading down the family line.
Not without hopes for a long life full of service to all my fellow travellers.
Not without best hopes for you, your mental health, your connection to the All, your sense of being touched by Vishnu, Yahweh, Allah, Ganesh, Jehovah, A-Io... whoever or whatever breaks open your ego to the core of the snot-sobbing relinquishment of anything but awe and paradox.
Not without gut-wrenching wishes I could take it all back, treat you better, see with more perspective, act with honour. Not without intent to shout though time-space to my earlier self to slow-down and just think it through, put down the bottle much sooner, stop medicating the self-consciousness with numbing, get on the fucking cushion way, way before I knew it was the ship to steer me safely through.
Not without the realisation, the knowing, that I. Am. So. Damn. Lucky
cjG
#mygroundtruth
Where’s Waldo? On the cushion being grateful for being aware, briefly, on this planet, cjG.